#4 Captivated by fear …

This is a door I do not wish to share. I will open it, But it has been a long time and I have never shared. I don’t know how I will react by letting others in. Tread lightly this is really me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Breathing quickly I’m standing there

A twigs brakes in the distance echoing I don’t know what direction

I was 10

The car was stuck and we needed sand

Dad, “I know where sand is ”

We had been shoving all morning and it was cold

fingers were numb , but sweat  dripped off my forehead

I was bundled from head to toe

We had to go .. I don’t remember were

But we had to go.

The forecast was for 4 to 6

It was more like 10 to 12

“across the street down at the creek ” I said

I was proud I could help

It was fun working with Dad

I cross the street ….shovel and  Bucket in hand

I been in the woods before Hunting with Dad

This year we would go for Deer again.

There were deer tracks in the snow 2 maybe 3

Yes, there is sand I brake the ice and fill the bucket full

Another job done will

Dad will be Proud

another snap

It’s behind me

A man standing there

But there is something strange

“Wait,” he said

he should not be here

he should be cold

why does he have no clothes

brown boots that’s all

this was not right that’s all

I drop the bucket

shovel poised to fight as best a 10 year old can

He stopped all but his hand

touch me he said

2 steps back I ran

I didn’t understand

you should be here

you shouldn’t be asking this ….your a man

10 feet apart

I froze

He did what he came for and then ran

never touching me… how revolting that was

I was little

I watch him go

I never like the snow

why are men like this

I still don’t understand

Why do men force on the weak

Were was superman

I will be superman .. I know I can.

I ran back home

Never to tell …..I was scared as hell.

That day the world grew… I knew it was not safe.

I could not erase what I had seen with my eyes.

….I’m not tiny now and the rage is still within.

one of my favorite songs Hallelujah  add to calm me

Just to hear the pure harmony of the word Hallelujah

I’m walking on a journey of self discovery

If any of you have to time to read “MY Vision PAGE

meaning of the song 

hal·le·lu·jah
exclamation
  1. 1.
    God be praised (uttered in worship or as an expression of rejoicing).
    “He is risen! Alleluia!”
noun
  1. 1.
    an utterance of the word “hallelujah” as an expression of worship or rejoicing.

Credit :Photo

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4 thoughts on “#4 Captivated by fear …

  1. Its not often one has to qualify clicking the like option, but in this instance I think it must be done. So I must say I did not like your post, no not at all, what I did like was your bravery in writing about what happened in your past, bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I see now why I have bents in my personality better now. Standing up for the weaker kid in school or player in a team …… It is much harder to forgive ….I still don’t want to give my rage away. I don’t know how that is to look yet
      Thank you for your honesty

      Liked by 1 person

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